Hunting the Lilliebridges.

Editor's note: I found this in an old note book of mine. I could only understand the handwriting on a couple pages, and the rest were either torn out or covered in coffee stains. What I did understand fucking creeped me out.

While basking in the sun on my private island, watching Pemberton command my Samoan workers on the new deck, I realized something was missing. Hunting. I had never hunted before, but I had certainly felt bloodlust, as all men do. But I didn't want to hunt pigs, bears, or even heads. No, I was going to hunt the ultimate specimen. The Lilliebridges.

To hunt them, I'd first need them on the island. I knew this was going to be dangerous, but I had exaggerated just how dangerous. At the time I was working on the idea that they could crush cars with their bare hands, were between 7 and 9 feet tall, and were also highly radioactive from years in the powerlifting circuit. I realized the first was obviously bullshit, the second point was also bullshit, they are closer to 4.5 feet tall, and furthermore, they are only mildly radioactive, about as dangerous as 4086 bananas, or 403 sieverts.

After paying an associate a rather large lump sum, I had them shipped to my island. They were fine, but the amount of raw meat they consumed was enormous.

The night they were shipped, I let them loose on my island. As I lay in my silken sheets in my manor, sitting on the hill above the jungle below, I heard them howling. Slowly, a grin crawled across my face to tickle my ear lobes. I barely slept I was so excited.

When it was morning, I skipped breakfast, opting for a hunt instead. I had Pemberton pick out a manservant for the hunt, as well as several items of interest. I set out on foot to try and catch a trail. I found it quickly enough. I followed cautiously with Pemberton and the manservant following.

"I say, my good man, there is nothing quite like the hunt." I said. I breathed deep, relishing the Pacific air. Suddenly I heard something. A snap of a twig. A great, rusty breathing coming from just within the brush. I raised the rifle. Another breath. I fired. He charged like a rhino. I managed to dodge him just before he struck, but Pemberton wasn't as lucky. He rolled through him and kept on charging.

As I saw Ernie Sr. run away, I ran over to Pemberton, who had been disemboweled by Ernie's tusks. "Sir, it has been an honor serving with you." He said. Then he could no longer hold his intestines in and they fell out.

approximately 4 pages missing

Ernie Jr.'s eyes bulged as I tightened the garot around his neck. Suddenly his neck flexed, snapping the thin chord, sending it spinning into the Samoan manservant.

"Haw haw!" I shouted as I pulled the knife out of my boot and slashed wildly at him. It cut deep into his skin, and buckets of blood poured out onto me. I was nearly awash in it. I didn't think this was a problem, but then I started slipping. Not a problem because I had trained for wrestling in slippery places. i didn't account on his blood being flammable. I looked up in horror as he threw the zippo lighter down in the pool

"You son of a bitch!" I sho pages missing.

"I must admit, I wouldn't have hunted you and your family had I known you were capable of human thoughts," I said to the Lilliebridges.

"Just don't do it again." Eric said with a smile on his voice.

Editor's note: I still have no idea what the fuck I was thinking.